Day 138-139

I spent the whole weekend on the couch. Fatigue is really kicking my ass still this morning. I'm really hoping that my counts aren't dropping again.

I feel like hell.

Day 137

I slept in until 9am this morning! It was soooo nice! lol I just didn't want to get out of bed and face that Saturday morning "I've been drugged" feeling.

But low and behold, I did finally get up and now it's Tylenol with Coffee and trying to figure out what I'm going to eat that's fatty for breakfast so that I can take my Ribavirin.

Food....yep! that's what I really want to do on mornings like these.......not!

It's like it's own little torture. You wake up feeling like shit, grab coffee and tylenol because you know those will help get you out of the funk and aches....but they turn your stomach just enough that you really don't want to eat.

Soon it's time to take more drugs and you know you have to give those drugs something fatty or you'll wind up tossing your cookies.

So now what?

Your mind sorts through the options that you know are in the fridge....9 times out of 10 times nothing at all sounds good.

Takes an hour for me just to figure out that I'll make a bacon sandwich....even that makes my stomach queasy but I make it and half way through I swallow the pills that I know make me feel like shit.

I know this tx is killing the virus. I know that next year at this time I'll be celebrating my clearing it....I know I'm doing this for a reason and later it will be worth it.....but I also understand how some people can not stand completing tx.

It's simply torture. Physical and mental torture.

Give me a second while I whine for a minute....

tx means having my skin itch as though I'm wearing a wool sweater all summer long.

It means that there are sores in my mouth that makes eating feel like I'm running sand paper over my tongue and then eating spicy food when all I'm really eating is ice cream.

It means having an evil drummer boy on my back 70% of the day playing grunge music on my neck and shoulder muscles.

It means feeling like I have a hangover when I can't even have the fun it usually takes to get one.

It means getting depressed or angry and wanting very badly to get one of those old fashioned hangovers by downing a nice bottle of Merlot....but I can't and I don't.

It's means my stomach looks like one of those Twister mats only all the dots are red instead of multi colors.

It means having to stick a needle in my stomach 4 times a week even though I know what I'm putting in there will make me feel all of the above.

It means taking pills that require eating fatty foods when I really don't feel like eating....and getting rewarded for taking those pills by having my mind go a little nuts with depression, anxiety and what seems like Alzheimer's and brain fog.

It means wearing a stupid smile when I want to sit down on the floor like a little child and say I don't want to do this anymore.

But finally, it means that when this war is all over, hopefully it means that my little dragon will be dead and I'll have a healthier and happier long life with my beautiful Husband and children.....

So thank you for letting me whine for second.

Maybe I should try Zoloft again.....lol

I guess I better go make my bacon sandwich.....

My baby Hitch.

He was a gift from Jimmy on our 1st anniversary of dating.

We named him after the movie that we went to go see on our first date.

I always wanted a grey long haired cat and when Jimmy went to the humane society, there he was!

Day 136

Boy I am late posting today!

I worked a full 8 hours today, so I got up early and had a ruff time getting motivated. I took the usual coffee and Tylenol but I guess I'm just not used to 6:30 am after so many mornings in a row of 8am. I didn't have the brain power to post.

The day went pretty fast as I was backed up from being part time over the past 2 weeks. Tylenol killed the aches and stopped the drummer boy little stummings on my neck.

The lumps on my neck have decided to share themselves by spreading over to the other side of my neck. At least if they get bigger both sides will be equal looking!

The antibiotic has changed anything.

anyway....

Now I'm headed back to full time starting Tuesday. I guess I better get used to getting up again....and working full shifts.

Tonight was Peg. shot night. Yea Haw...what fun.

I seem to be running out of spots to take my injections. After 4 nights a week of needles....one tends to run out of places to stick them.

I have 1/2 dollar sized red spots all over my stomach. They suggested that I use my thigh....screw that! I stuck my thigh one time and I found out very quickly that I don't own any fat there! I also found out that it's actually more sensitive. So my stomach it is.

Hey, if all the spots would all connect I'd actually look like I have a sun burn and nobody would even notice!

Anyway, I'm off to hang in the hot tub to relax before bed. It seems to help with insomnia and body aches.

You know, I used to tell everyone "Happy Friday!" but Fridays now have a new meaning and I can't seem to put the words Happy and Friday together in a greeting anymore.

So instead I say, "Have a nice weekend!"

so....

Have a Nice Weekend Everyone!

Day 135

So yesterday got somewhat better physically but not so much mentally.

Every Wednesday night is Poker Night at the Roads End and I used to run it, but since I started tx Jimmy pretty much had to take it over.

Last night I thought it would do me good to sit in and play for once. I thought that getting around people might do me some good.

Boy was I wrong!

Sometimes it amazes me just how much grown adults can act like children. 35 players and there must have been 10 who really needed to grow up! lol

One woman crying about who's table she had to sit at. A guy who seemed to think the timer was a toy, making it go beep beep beep. Somebody else bitching about a player who can't seem to deal the cards in the right direction. Then there's the asshole who just stands there saying "Laurie, Laurie, Laurie". All of them going at the same time as we're trying to get people seated at their tables. It's like kindergarten for Pete sake!

Don't these people understand that I'm on drugs that make me nuts! lol

I don't think the guy with the timer enjoyed me turning around and telling him that I'll smash the damned thing if it beeps one more time! (I was still keeping control....you don't want to know what I really wanted to say)

So I played for about half an hour and went "all in"" just to get out of there and back up to my peaceful apartment where kindergarten was not in session.

I think that maybe I'll try the A.D.'s again soon. Maybe it'll be better now that the study drug is gone.

This morning started out slow and aching. The lumps in my neck seem to cause more trouble in the morning for some reason.

I down some coffee and took some Tylenol and life is starting to feel somewhat better.

Thank God for coffee and Tylenol! Breakfast of champions!

Maybe Ducky will visit me today!

I hope......

Day 134

Yesterday was ruff all day until Last night when I climbed into the hot tub and then into bed.

You just never know when this stuff is going to floor you.

This morning I'm waking up slowly and the little drummer boy is playing havoc on my neck.

It amazes me that a body can endure these drugs day in and day out for 48 weeks without having some type of life long repercussions. How is it that you can beat yourself up for almost a year and walk away from it un scared?

I miss my old life. I miss spending time with friends and I miss having a glass of wine after work.

Every year I get involved cooking food for hundreds of people in 2 different benefits. The Soldiers Angels riding club to benefit our soldiers coming home and the E.C.U.S.'s Helping Hands benefit to help local families with disabilities. The E.C.U.S. Club has gone to catering because I guess I'm sick and they don't want to ask and the Soldiers Angels Club is up in the air until they decide what they're doing.

Part of me wonders how much is because I'm on tx and how much is because of Hep C paranoia.

9 Years I was involved in the E.C.U.S.'s benefit....I only missed 1 year due to my divorce and my ex being very involved in the club. Even that year I wound up helping the people who did the food because they where under staffed.

I'm pretty much sure that I did the food for Soldiers Angels every year, but I'm not sure, there may have been a year I didn't.

Regardless, This year it looks like I might be out of both and it kind of breaks my heart to become an outsider after all of this time.

I know there's next year and I can jump back in.....but being on the outside? It's just hard.

Yep! I think I'm getting myself depressed again.

I'm just getting so damned sick of doing this!

Day 133

Oh Boy....bad day.

I started the morning off with the usual coffee and Tylenol and at 11am I still feel like crap. Everything aches and fatigue is really knocking me down.

Thank God I don't have to go to work until 1:00.

Maybe the afternoon will get better......

Day 132

Well yesterday turned out to be manageable.

I took Tylenol on and off all day and moved slowly, but still I got my garden weeded and all my plants staked up. Thankfully because a crazy thunderstorm blew through here last night.

I haven't looked out there this morning yet to see if there's any damage. The garden should be ok with all the support that I gave the plants.

I even got Sunday dinner cooked for Jimmy and the kids!

Without the trial drug I'm finding that I get bouts of fatigue instead of that all day, knock me down, stay on the couch type. It's ruff and I can definitely tell I've increased my dosages....but it's still do-able if I take my time and go slow.

The hot tub last night did wonders too! Knocked me right out and made me sleep all night. It was pretty cool too because we watched the thunderstorm roll in. (of course we got out of the tub when it got too close)

Today is my wonderful Husbands birthday! I'll take my golf clubs to work with me and maybe we'll meet at the driving range after work to hit a few balls. Then maybe Dinner.

Happy Birthday My Love!!!!

I Love you my Darling!

Day 131

Yesterday was a slow day. After taking Tylenol I began to feel a lot better, but still the fatigue had me down on and off all day.

I was able to spend a little time in the garden in the early afternoon and I did get lunch cooked on the grill and some dishes washed.....other than that my day was spent on the couch and then early to bed.

It is much easier without the trial drug. The Inerferon does put me down a bit....but nothing like it did when I was taking the trial drug. That would pretty much put me on the couch with no chance of anything else.

75 untis is harder than 50. I'm not looking forward to the full 100. But I'll do what I have to do.

This morning is going pretty much like yesterday morning. Body aches and fatigue. I'll down some more coffee along with Tylenol and see if I can't make something out of the day.

It's been 6 days since I started taking the Keflex and it's made no difference to the lumps on my neck, it has however made my mouth more sore. (I have to try the IFLORA that M mentioned) There are 4 more days left to take it and when it's done, if the lumps are still there I'll call Hershey. I have the feeling that they'll just tell me that it's from the Ribavirin and my counts going up and down. They had said that it was either from a bacterial infection of from the Ribavirin when they first saw them. The Keflex was just in case of the infection....my throat was red.

I wonder if that means my neck will be this way for the remaining 31 weeks. Boy I hope not!

At least the itchy scalp is starting to let up a little. LOL I was beginning to feel like a dog with flees! It's been driving me nuts! It's still there but at least now I don't want to rip my scalp off!

Today may not be Ducky....but I know it could be worst!

My Grandma's orange tree. 2 years old this year and it's already over 3 foot tall! :)

I still find it amazing that it's from a tree that I planted a seed of in my Grandma's back yard over 30 years ago! (if you missed the story, I wrote about it on July 19, 2007.)

Second generation...still going strong! :)

Day 130

Good News from Hershey - after almost 2 weeks of holding tx and then 2 weeks of being on half dosages, tada, I'm still undectable!

I always worry that the virus will raise it's ugly head while I'm down. I think that my Doctor is affaid of that also.

And of course that's exactly why they've raised my dosages back up another level. They put me up to 4 Ribavin a day and now 75 units of Pegasys. If all goes well with my blood counts they'll have me up to 100 units over the couple of weeks.

Good news with that is that it's the best fighting chance against the virus. Bad news is that with taking 75 units last night I'm back to feeling like I've been kicked in the butt this morning.

Yep.....my body hurts, my head is foggy and there is no energy.

My heart raises with any fast movement.

Funny thing about my heart racing is that for years my heart would race and every once and a while I'd go into heart palpitations. A couple of years ago (before I found out about the Hep C)I wound up in surgery having a heart ablation to cauterize the nerve in my heart that causes the palpitations. Now I have no palpitations but my heart still races. They used to blame the racing on my Mitral Valve but all the Doctors said that after the surgery I should be off of the Inderol (heart med). My heart should not still be racing. But it did and they didn't understand it....I knew Inderol would control the racing so I continued to take it and they continued to prescribe it.

Here's the clincher....Now I know what the racing is....now I can identify what it is. I'd had it all these years and everyone just assumed that it was my heart.
The trigger or nerve they cauterized did need to go because it kept getting aggravated by my heart racing and it would set off causing my heart to beat at up to 220 beats per minute (painful stuff), so I don't regret the surgery.

But what causes my heart to race? It's fatigue from Hep C and from Tx!

I never knew what fatigue was until now. I always assumed that fatigue meant that you're just tired, but that's only part of it. Fatigue causes my heart to race and drains the energy from my body.

Funny thing is that I still continue to take the Inderol. Even though the Inderol makes me a little tired, it slows down the racing and it makes it a little more comfortable for me. Doc. says that that's alright as long as my blood pressure remains ok.

When this is all over I'll ween off of the Inderol.

Well that's it for today.....My little drummer boy is strumming my neck muscles and I'm grabbing the Tylenol to get him off of my back!

I'll end up in the hot tub by the end of this day.

Have a Nice Saturday!

Day 129

Of course the night before I have to work my only full time day I wind up not being able to sleep! My Luck, I tossed and turned until almost 2am before I finally fell to asleep. Now waking up this morning is very slow going.


I try taking the Ribavirin and Nuepogen as early as I can on Thursday nights because I know the combination won't let me sleep well. That was working....but just like anything else, once you think you have it figured out....all the rules change!


What a lovely life with tx.


I'll down some coffee and maybe the caffeine will kick me up a notch.


The lumps are still there along with a sore neck. I still itch all over my head, neck and shoulders. And tonight is Peg. night.


Yep I'll hear from Hershey, they'll raise my dosages and my day will be complete.


LOL....whine, whine, bitch, bitch.....maybe I should stick with posting at night!


The day will get better. I just have to coax my body into it is all. Time for Tylenol to go with the coffee.


Have a good day!






This is what the front of our building will look like once we have it done. All glass mosaic.

We have a long way to go.....but boy will it be wild when it's done! It'll be the loudest looking building in town....that's for sure!

By the way, just in case you missed it, the building is a Bar called The Roads End Pub & Club.

Day 128

Oh Boy, I'm getting later and later with posting aren't I? I'll have to go back to posting in the morning. This part time work thing has my schedule all out of whack :)

I woke up this morning and felt pretty ok. A little slow starting but ok.

I worked on Jimmy's Mosaic building front for a couple of hours and finally got my plotter to agree with putting the pattern out on paper. Damned plotter is made in China and their tech support is actually Chinese......ummmm......I don't speak Chinese.....

So, after many many hours of playing with this stupid plotter, I finally have the center section of the design on paper. It's a section that's about 4 x 25 foot long.

The building front is about 35 x 38, so I have a ways to go yet. At least he has something to get time started on. Should be about 3 or 4 weeks of work before he'll need more, so I think I have some time.

After that I went to work and 4 hours there flew! To tell the truth, it's too much work for just 4 hours.

Tomorrow I work a full 8 hour shift. That's ok though because I really have a lot to get done.

Monday through Thursday are my last part time days. I'll have to enjoy them while I can.

Tonight was Nuepogen shot night. Have I mentioned that I hate the stuff? I do.

Tomorrow I'll hear from Hershey....Tomorrow night is Pegasys shot night. :( Hershey will call to tell me if I'm increasing my dosages again. I wish I weren't but I'm pretty sure that they'll have me do it. Time to get back to making sure my little dragon is dead forever.

All and all today was pretty Ducky!

Have a good night!

Day 127

Boy I'm posting this one late today.

Woke up this morning and y neck is more swollen that before starting the Keflex. But I guess that maybe thats just pare for the course. Everything always seems to get worst before getting better. So in a way it's a good sign maybe?

Jimmy and I took a ride to the farmers market and bought some really nice looking fruit this morning. We stopped on the way home for lunch before I had to leave for work. It was a perfect way to start the day.

I wish I could work part time like this for about a month but it's only for a couple of weeks. It's nice getting up and taking my time in the morning....especially when the morning is slow starting like this morning with all the aching.

Tonight is getting kind of ruff. I took some tylenol and after my Procrit shot tonight I think I'll head straight to bed.

Hope everyone had a nice day!

:)

This is hard to see since it's pretty much a picture of a picture of one of my paintings! lol....I don't have a scanner!

This was a Christmas present for Jimmy's Dad. It's a painting of his log cabin with a picture of Jimmy's Mother in the clouds above the cabin.

His Mom passed away about 4 years ago. I didn't get to meet her but I understand that she was an incredible loving woman.

I see who she was everyday in Jimmy.

I wish I could have met her. It was an honor to do this painting with her in it.

Day 126

Hershey went well. Doc. decided that I do have a bacterial infection. I guess she wasn't sure because it was possible that the glands on my neck could swell just from the Ribavirin or even my blood counts going up and down so much.

But after checking my throat and finding it red, she thinks that it's an infection that maybe draining out through my neck causing the glands to swell. She gave me a script for 3 times a day of 500mg of Keflex to knock the infection out. Hopefully this kicks it.

Other than that I felt pretty good all day until the Nuepogen shot last night. Then it was time for bed.

This morning I'm slowly waking up. I took some Tylenol for the Nuepogen aches and that seems to be doing the trick. My coffee seems to be handling the rest of it!

This is my first day at part time and you would think that I would sleep in....but no not my body! It wakes up at 7am like it or not!

I seem to have found an old side effect that I had lost a couple of months into starting tx, I itch! My scalp itches, my neck and back itches! Drives me nuts!

I know that scratching my scalp isn't going to help my hair loss, but I just can't help it!

Isn't it amazing how itching travels? Something itches on my back, I scratch it and then it travels to my neck. It's like a little gremlin running around trying to make me dance! (little bastard)

All in all I'm waking up and the day will be nice. I'm trying to get the energy together to go grocery shopping. I'll try to time it so that Jimmy can carry the bags in for me.

This time I'll make sure the milk makes it to the fridge!!!!

One of Jimmy's stained glass pieces. Beautiful work!

Day 125

What a beautiful weekend!

We took off yesterday at around 12:30 for Elmer, NJ to the glass shop that they've finished the front of the buidling in Mosaic Glass.

They did a beautiful job. The bottom of the Mosaic is water with fish and frogs. Moving up the building, animals are drinking from the water. The there's trees with birds and monkeys. In the middle top is the sun with rays.

It's cool. Make Jimmy and I want to get started!

The people that did it where able to tell us a few tip on how to make it survive our cold winters and hot summers. He where a wealth of information.

They had a nice little shop too!

After that we went to Millville, NJ and stayed over night downtown the street from the Wheaton Glass Shops and we took a ride into Downtown Millville to hunt down the Art District that they brag about.

We really didn't find it. For the "#1 Art District" in many articles that we've read....Millville is pretty much a washed up story. It was sad.

This morning we got up and went in the Wheaton Glass Shops. The only thing that worth it there was the Hot Glass Shop where they have ongoing Glass blowing and sculpturing going that you can sit and watch. That was cool enough to sit and watch for a while, but the rest of the place wasn't too impressive. I did get a few more ideas to do with my torch work. But that's it.

I just so much enjoyed hanging out with Jimmy that it made the entire trip so wonderfully enjoyable! It was so nice to just escape.

I ate Tylenol all weekend to control the body aches, but all and all I think I did pretty good. I'm just really slow.... that's all...lol.

Tomorrow we go to Hershey. Hopefully we'll find out whats up with the lumps on my neck.

I'm sure that they'll raise my dosages back up again. I'm not looking forward to that. But hey....whatever right!

HAPPY DADDY'S DAY FELLAS!!!!!!

Day 124

It's another day after my Peg. shot day and I don't think I'm doing too bad. I have the fatigue and achyness....but I have Tylenol too! The lumps haven't gone anywhere yet, but at least they seem to have stopped growing.

We're off to Millville, NJ today after Jimmy gets the bar opened. We should be out of here by around 12:30. I'm excited about our little excursion! We'll go see the Mosaic building and then stop at Wheaton glass.

Jimmy and I have decided that over the next few years we'll travel around to the little Art Districts across the country and check them out. Our idea of retirement would be to buy a house in one of the Art Districts and set up a studio with all of our talent combined. Jimmy with his stained glass, me with the painting and hot glass.

Millville is one of those districts where the city actually tries to get Artist to buy a house and set up shop. They offer some very nice incentives to get Artists to move into their little districts. Who knows....checking these places out will be fun in itself!

I know I can't over due it while we're away on this little trip. We'll go slow and take it easy. We'll get a room and stay over night to break it up a little. We'll get back tomorrow night.

My body is almost Ducky.....but my mind is full fledged Ducky!!!!

Day 123

I find myself waiting for Monday. The lumps on my neck seem to be making my neck muscles ache more and more. Of course this morning isn't helping anything as I had to take the Nuepogen last night, so my aches a little to start with. I've become a firm believer in Tylenol!

Yesterday was long. For no real good reason I felt like crap. Not the kind that makes you go search out a bed.....just the kind that makes you feel very uncomfortable all day long.

Coming home was so nice though. My sweetheart Jimmy had the dishes done, Laundry going and he cooked super! It's like he has a second sense sometimes. I just couldn't ask for a more loving Husband.

Well today is Friday! Thank God!

Tomorrow we'll take a ride to see the Mosaic building outside of Philly. Jimmy and I have been working on a project for almost a year now designing a Mosaic front for our building. It's one heck of a project to cover a 38 foot by 32 foot building in 3 inch by 2 inch glass pieces and have it all form a pretty wild looking mural. The place that we are going to took 4 years to complete their building front and it looks like it's about half the size of ours.

I don't think we'll have to take that long....

Anyway it'll be a nice get away for the day. I need a distraction right about now. It'll do my mind some good.

Maybe I'll feel better as the day goes on.....I'll give it a hell of a try anyway.

Have a Wonderful Friday everyone!

Day 122

Yesterday started off pretty good, but as the day went on it got very uncomfortable. Fatigue had me dragging and these G.D. lumps are starting to make my neck ache. They seem to be slowly getting bigger. So all and all "very uncomfortable" is the only way to explain yesterday.

This morning I'm waking up to being aggravated that the washed out feeling is back. I hate feeling like I have the flu. What makes this day worst is that tonight I have to take the Nuepogen and if I'm starting this day out this way then I know the next few days will be shot also. Nuepogen tonight and Pegasys on Friday. I feel like my whole life revolves around needles anymore.

Bitch bitch bitch....

I need something to distract my mind from all of the crap. Work is slow right now and the days are very long. Today and tomorrow are going to be the worst. Starting next week, for 2 weeks I'll go part time working from 1 to 5pm. With as slow as work is right now, it might help at least for the 2 weeks and then it's back to full time.

Hopefully I can talk Jimmy into a little road trip to check out a Mosaic building that he wants to see near Philly on Saturday. It might do me some good to get out of here a little.

Monday is my 18 week visit. 30 more to go. This treatment is like a roller coaster that you have no choice but to keep getting back on and riding.

I hate roller coasters!

Day 121

Yesterday was a nice day. Jimmy sent me flowers to my office and after work we went out to dinner then home for rest and relaxation. We've been together now for going on 4 years now and each year that passes I realize more and more that I found my soul mate. Hell we have yet to have our first argument!

I'm still feeling pretty ok. Fatigue and the lumps seem to be my biggest problem right now. Stupid lumps......

Oh yeah....lol....and the car still stinks!

I guess I feel just about as Ducky as I can feel for now! I'm not sure if Ducky is coming or going.....

Day 120

Graduation was a scorcher. With almost 800 graduating students along with their families all packed onto a black top parking lot in 93 degree humid weather....I stayed only long enough to see Crystal get her diploma. Of course that took 2 hours to get to. The heat and sun where unbearable....no shade except for the umbrella that Jimmy ran to his car and got for me.

2 down ....one more to go. Cory, my youngest enters high school next year.

All in all the day was pretty good. I felt ok even though the lumps just won't go away from my neck and fatigue seems to hitting quite a bit.

I got to tell ya about this.....Last Monday I went to the store for groceries. Along with all of the bags I picked up a gallon of milk. When I got home Jimmy helped me unload the groceries. I just can't carry all of them up the steps to our apartment.

So after getting the groceries upstairs, I started dinner but I couldn't find the milk. I thought right away that the store had forgot to put the milk into my cart! Jimmy went out to my car to check the truck, but came back to say it's not there.

$3.99 for milk and they forget to give it to me! I picked up the phone right away and made my complaint! They told me to stop by with my receipt and they'll make it right. Well I didn't make it back there yet.....but still it pissed me off. I needed that stupid milk and it's a real chore for me to go to the store to start with! (bitch bitch bitch)

So now fast forward to yesterday morning....I haven't been in my car all weekend. I go to the garage and jump in to go to work. On my passenger seat is a McDonald's bags that has a small piece of uneaten sausage burrito in it from Friday....I forgot to take it in with me when I got home to throw it away. The smell in my car smelled like death! It took my breath away! I threw the bag out and rolled down the windows. Wind blowing all the way to work.

At work I left the windows wide open so that the smell could air out of the car....but when I got back in the car at 5pm it was no better. It was actually kind of worse! On the way to Graduation I began thinking how in the world can one small piece of food cause such a rank smell to last all day long?

And then I remembered the milk.

When I got to Graduation I opened the trunk and found one exploded, curdled gallon of milk all over the inside of my trunk! It had sat in the sun and heat for a full week!

OMG the smell in that truck almost made me regrow the hair on my head! I'm surprised that people didn't think that I had a dead body in my trunk!

I'm having a good time blaming it on Jimmy (don't send a man out to find anything!).....but in reality it's from my own forgetfulness. My brain is just not attached. If I don't write it on a calendar, draw a map, or put it on a to-do list, it pretty much gets to remind me later that I forgot it....and man oh man do I get the reminders!!

This morning is going pretty good. It the day after the Nuepogen shot so I'm a little achy. Nothing that Tylenol can't take care of. Of course the lumps are still there on my neck.

Today is our Wedding Anniversary! Not that I can be much fun. We planned to go to Lake Seneca every year for our anniversary, but we won't make it this year due to my tx. We'll have to make up for it next year.

Hey you.....

Happy Anniversary My Love.

Did I tell you today how much I Love you!

.....I do.....I adore you!

Day 119

As the day went yesterday I began feeling better. While the fatigue still hung out all day, my body pains started to mellow out. By night, after I took a shower and some Tylenol, the pain was mostly gone. I finally got a good nights sleep.

This morning it feels like the little drummer boy is playing the muscles in my neck....but I know the silver bullet that'll do him in - I'll take Tylenol to make it go away.

The lumps on my neck are still there. I thought the one was getting smaller last night but lo and behold, it's not smaller this morning. Hopefully they'll go away soon.

Tonight my Daughter graduates. The ceremony is outside in the High School parking lot. That would be great except the temp today is supposed to be in the low to mid 90's. I think I'll take a bottle of water with me. Hopefully it's a little cooler by 6pm.

Well at least I'm starting to feel better. Tonight is Nuepogen shot night. I'm hoping that it doesn't set me back for tomorrow.

Ducky will be home soon.....I hope.

Day 118

Talk about flu like symptoms. My body hurts. My lower back is the worst and the lumps on my neck remain...

If I have a bacterial infection, I couldn't tell you in what part of my body it's in because outside of my hands and feet, everything hurts to one degree or another.

Today doesn't seem to be much better than yesterday....

Day 117

I spoke to Hershey yesterday. I still have the lumps in my neck and now I'm spending time in the bathroom. My body hurts everywhere and Hershey has me watching my temp. If It goes up I have to drive to Hershey. They think I may have a bacterial infection.

I don't know know what it is.....but today is a very bad day.

Day 116

Yesterday did'nt get any better. I felt like crap all day.

I was thankful that the day was somewhat busy. Work seems to make the hours pass faster when it's busy.

Today I'm affraid that I won't be as lucky. I'm almost caught up at work so maybe I'll have to find a new project to take on so that the day will pass.

I woke up this morning feeling like I haven't slept. My body aches and my head just won't get clear.

The lumps are still there on my neck. I'll call Sandy, my nurse, and talk to her about them. I thought they'd be gone or going by today....no such luck.

Maybe I'll start to climb out of this later today. I hope so....tonight is shot night.

Day 115

Well that feeling of "I think I'm catching a cold", I think is turning into "Oh yeah, I forgot, this is what tx feels like".

I was feeling so good there for a lot of days, I really didn't think that I'd start having that flu like feeling again.

The drugs are building back up in my system and I guess I'm starting to feel the effects. So I'm back to 220 more days of the flu.

It was a nice 4 or 5 day vacation.

Along with all of the normal body aches and washed out feeling, I have 2 nice sized lumps on my neck that we'll assume are swollen glands.

At least I got my house cleaned. My carpets and dinning room chairs are pretty again. My garden and potted deck veggies are planted and deck is washed down.

I suppose my body has said "now your done working so it's back to feeling like shit for you!"

I suppose I have to look at it like this.....with the trial drug done early I lost my 24 week goal. There is nothing to set short term goals on now. Nothing to help me take the baby steps and look toward something closer then the 220 day stretch in front of me.

So the little vacation that I just had of feeling good just gave me a taste of how much better I'll feel when this is all over. I doubt that the memory will last the entire 220 days if I wind up feeling like shit for the long haul. But it will at least hold me over for a little while.

I do know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel....it's just hard sometimes to remember that the light is not a freight train.

Day 114

This morning I woke up with what feels like the beginning of a cold. I've had a couple of lumps on my neck for a few days and I'm thinking that they may be swollen glands. I'm sure that I'll find out over the next few days......

Other than the onset of what feel like a cold, I'm not feeling too bad. I still have a some energy and my achy bones from yesterday have stopped aching.

Tonight is a Procrit shot night.....that is if FedEx delivers my drugs this afternoon.

Jimmy picked up his son and daughter-in-law from the airport in Philly last night. The kids had an awesome time.....but they where ready to come home. 9 days and 8 nights in Mexico was all they wanted to handle. So the Newly Weds are home safe and sound!

Obama won the ticket! I hope the witch doesn't wind up running with him for Vice Pres.! I really would hate to see her in the White House. If she does, I may just vote for McCain.

All is well in the land of "Just Ducky"!

Day 113

I took the Nuepogen 1/2 shot last night and this morning it's soooo hard to get out of bed. I got up at 7 and went back to bed until 7:30.

My second attempt at waking up seems to be working. Tylenol and Ibuprofen will help with the aches.

(Note to self....when taking a drug that causes bone aches, don't go getting sore muscles to add to it.)

It's so good to have Jimmy home. I always miss him when he's away.

It's like Christmas when he comes home too! He always brings me the cool stuff! He brought me a tank top, chenille hoody and a cool travel bag for my golf clubs!

I know.....I'm spoiled! lol

Tonight, no shots of anything...thank god. I'm still on reduced dosages of Ribavirin until Hershey calls to raise it. Even though I know it would be smarter to raise it, I sort of hope they don't.....this is so much easier.

Now that I'm waking up I'm starting to feel better. Hopefully the Tylenol and Ibuprofen kick in before I get too work.

I may not feel ducky right now, but I'm sure the day will get better......

Day 112

How do ya like that! I made a post and it disappeared.

I guess I'll re post it(this was from Monday Morning):

Ok, so I now I know that I really haven't been doing much over the past few months because this morning I woke up sore! lol....It's a good ole fashioned, hard days work sore. And by the way, my carpets look great!

Jimmy's on his way home today. He had a great time.Even the weather held out for him. The only rain that they saw was just after they finished golfing for the day. Just in time to go hang out at the bar and kick back! He sounds sooo de-stressed!

(I can't remember what else it said......)

Day 111 - 1/3 of the way done!

I am officially one third of the way through tx!

Part of me say's YEH HAW! But another part of me say's..."Man do I still have a long way to go!"

A third of the way is better than a quarter. So I should be happy that I'm still moving forward. Still truckin' ahead.

This weekend I am happy. Yesterday I began to feel pretty good. My 1/2 shot of Pegasys only kicked me in the ass a little in the morning. By late morning I felt great!

I actually went to the store and rented a steam cleaner for my carpets. They where a wreck! - white carpet and carpeting in the kitchen - yikes!

It took me all day and into the night to get the job done. I would clean a little and rest a little. I moved slowly and took my time. In the end I steam cleaned 3 rooms and the dinning room chairs!

When I went to bed last night I laied down and I didn't get up until this morning! That's pretty good since I've been waking up 3 or 4 times a night.

I know every one's going to say "Don't Overdo It!". But the thing is, if I feel good I have to feel like I'm accomplishing something! Some people exercise....me I work.

Besides....my carpets and chairs look beautiful!

lol....Jimmy would have had a stroke if he was home.

This morning I feel great again!

I bought a deck wash that all you do is spray it on then rinse it off. Not much physical work there. I'll spend my day washing the deck.

I want so much to continue to feel this way, but I know that Hershey will be increasing my Peg. shot and Ribavirin very soon and I'll become a couch potato once again.

For now I'll enjoy my weekend, Monday may change everything.

I'm Just Feelin' Ducky For The Day!!!!!