Day 262

Well after 2-1/2 hours at the eye doctor they can tell that I'm on lot's of drugs but they don't see anything big time wrong with my eye's.

The drugs have changed the diameter of my contacts. Doc say's that normal for being on so many drugs. There's also 2 tiny spots in one eye and 1 tiny spot in the other. He said that this also is from the drugs and will probably go away once I'm off. Neither of these things is causing my periods of blindness. His diagnoses is that I'm having a Basilar migrane from the drugs. It's a type of ophthalmic migraine who aura fills both visual fields and may be accompanied by dysarthia and disturbances of equilibrium.Which he say's will also go away once I'm off of them. He also said that it could be a type of slight seizure which wouldn't be very abnormal with taking so many different chemicals. But he's leaning more toward the Basilar Migrane.

That Diagnosis is being sent to Hershey. I wonder what they'll do with it.....

I only have 73 days to go. They may not do anything since I only have it every so often. My fingers are crossed.

Good news is that there's nothing wrong with my eye's that finishing tx won't help. Even if the spots remain after I finish the drugs, the Doctor doesn't think they'll ever cause me any problem.

It's Friday. Waking up is a little tuff but I think my head is clearing. Brain fog has been kind of tuff this week....probably because of all of the extra drugs that where added for the infection. LOL it's pretty bad when you have to use the front and back of a paper to list all your medications for a Doctors appt. It took the nurse 15 minutes just to type them all into the computer.

Past all of that I think I'm ok this morning. That's a real good thing because I'm hoping for a nice weekend.

Hope your weekend is nice too!

Day 261

Well I bit the bullet and cut my hair off. I left about an inch so that it doesn't stick straight up. Sure, now I look like a boy! lol But I don't care as long as I can get my scalp to heal better. And besides, when it does start to grow back after tx it'll have a better start at being more even.

It better grow back!

For now it doesn't matter anyway....I'm covering it with a scarf.

The Hot 6 oil is working great right now on my neck and outside of my ears. I'm pretty sure that I can get my scalp to heal now that there's not as much hair in the way.

I guess I'll know in a few days....

Have a Great Day!

Day 260

Talk about weird weather....we got around whole bunch of snow yesterday and about 2 miles outside of Hazleton they got next to nothing.

Biggest problem is that with the trees still having leaves the heavy snow and crazy wind sent power outages all over the place. What a mess!

On the brighter side, my ear is finally starting to let up. I have never had an ear infection this bad before. I'm so glad that it's finally going away. It's gone from horrible pain to throbbing all the time, to now throbbing when I bend over or lean forward etc.....and Ibuprofen seems to be helping that.

I'm hoping that it's gone by the weekend.

Have a Great Day Everyone!

Day 259

It was another night of wake up, take something for pain, wait a half hour and go back to sleep. I can't imagine what this would have been like if I hadn't had the I.V. antibiotics. (Thank God for my darling Jimmy who has to deal with such a stubborn wife.)

Still, I guess it'll take a few days to clear it up.

Yesterday I bit the bullet and wore a scarf, it helped a lot with the ear pain by keeping my ear warm and the air out of it.

Tonight I'll bite another bullet and get my hair cut very short. I have to try to get my scalp and ears healed up so that I don't wind up with another infection from them. Besides what hair I do have looks like hell because I just don't have enough of it to cover the bald spots anymore.

Screw it....I'm going to cover it with a scarf anyway.

You know I've always said "Nothing good comes easy".....

This ain't easy....but in the long run I know it will be good!

Day 258

This was a ruff weekend!

By Saturday afternoon my little drummer boy had traded his ice pick in for a hatchet and was wackin' away at the inside of my ear! Or at least that's what it felt like. It got down to that "I'll do anything if it'll stop hurting" point and Jimmy talked me into calling Hershey. The Doctor on call for Dr. Smith told me to go to the emergency room saying that with a low white cell count my body isn't fighting the infection even with Keflex.

So off we went. After CAT scan later to make sure the infection hadn't gone to my skull bone they hooked me up to an I.V. antibiotic and then sent me home with horse pill sized antibiotics, Ear drop antibiotics and Vicoden for the pain.

Saturday night there was no sleeping. Not even the Vicoden stopped the pain.

By around 6 am on Sunday morning it was down to a throb and I finally fell to sleep.

Last night wasn't as bad. I'd sleep a few hours, wake up, take something for the pain and go back to bed. At 6 I finally just said to myself that I may as well just get up.

Now I just feel like shit but at least the pain is still just a throb.

I'm going to try to go to work. If Ibuprofen doesn't keep it tolerable I'll just come home.

The one good thing that came from this weekend is that Jimmy went searching for this stuff called Hot 6 Oil made by a company called African Royal. It's a hair and body oil that Rosie said works for her on her dry skin and scalp. Finally after many months of buying and trying products, I think this one is actually doing some good. I guess I'll know better in a few days.

Thanks Rosie!

I wish I could use it inside my ears! lol

Here's to hoping Monday get a little nicer to me.....

Day 256

I wound up taking my Nuepogen shot (that I forgot about on Thursday night), the peg. shot, Ribavirin, a sleeping pill, 2 ibuprofen and 500mg of Keflex (for the ear infection) and then I went to bed last night.

It seems that the little drummer boy has found an ice pick and is now having a grand ole time inside my ear.

On top of everything else?.....yep that's just what I needed.

I slept pretty good considering. I woke up about 3 times and swallowed another Ibuprofen each time. But in between, when the ibuprofen was kicked in, I slept.

Thank God because I probably would have puked after taking so many drugs.

I woke up this morning with my ear screaming out pain....so I just got up. 2 ibuprofen and an hour later the pain is starting to let up somewhat.

The little drummer boy is a bastard!

Now that the pain is letting up and I can take inventory of how the rest of me feels....I've felt worse Saturday mornings.

One things for sure, this will be a couch weekend.

Day 255

80 Days to go.....

I've got an ear ache, I didn't sleep worth a shit last night, fatigue sucks, my skin itches and stings.....and between all of that and Ribavirin topping it off, I am back to wanting to sit on the floor and cry.

Not a good way to start Friday off.

damn it

Day 254

Yesterday was a killer. It was a long brain fogged day that took forever to pass.

I came home from work last night and was in bed by 7:30, took a sleeping pill and slept. I woke up this morning feeling a whole lot better.

I finally broke down and ordered 2 scarves and a snood to cover my head. I think I've gotten to the point that I just don't have any choice anymore. My hair continues to fall out, now even the side of my head has more scalp showing than hair, and my scalp is so dry that it gets cracked and painful. With the cold weather coming on I'm afraid it'll dry out even more if I don't cover it. (not to mention my head is starting to get kind of cold)

My Study Nurse tried to call around to see if she could find something that might help, but the only thing that she was told was to have me try to use baby shampoo. Other than that there really isn't too much that I can do about it.

Now I'm down to trying to only wash my hair once a week. I've been using a first aid cream where ever I can in hopes that some of it will heal.

Even the insides of ears are dry, itchy and sore. God only knows what you do about that! lol

So thats it! I'm taking the plunge into scarfing it! My plan is to just put it on in the morning and not look at another mirror for the rest of the day.

Hopefully I wind up looking more hip than I do sick! If anyone stares maybe I'll just get a shirt printed up that says "Caution I Get Riba-Rage!". lol

Anyway, I'm determined to have a good day!

I Hope you do too!

Day 253

Yesterday wound up being filled with a lot of fatigue and brain fog. That's never a good combination on busy days at work.

The night was not much better. It took 2 sleeping pills before I finally fell to sleep at around 11:00 roaming back and forth between my bed and the couch. I woke back up at around 1am still on the couch and went to bed. 4am....5am.....6am....it's times like these that I hate the lighted red numbers on my clock.

Hopefully I won't pay for insomnia too much today and hopefully I'll sleep better tonight.

It's 34 outside so maybe the cold air will snap me out of it.

Have a Wonderful Wednesday everyone!

Day252

Went to Hershey Yesterday hoping that my blood counts would be good enough to drop at least one of my injections. But no such luck.

It's seems that my WBC fell a little and while my Platelets have reached an all time tx high for me of 90, neither is good enough to stop or cut back Nuepogen or Procrit. Oh well...

Last week my little eye problem came back and Hershey just doesn't agree with my trying to ignore it even though there where only 2 20 minutes episodes. They strongly suggest that I see the eye doctor.

I would have forgotten to make the appointment when I got home, but shortly after getting home I wound up with another episode. Turned out to be my friendly little reminder.

It starts with a small spot in the middle of my vision that looks sort of like tv static. The spot grows and gets darker. After a while I can start to see through the middle but my peripheral vision is too dense and dark to see through. Then after 15 or 20 minutes it fades and I see fine. Sometimes I get a head ache in the back of my head, sometimes I don't. Other than a feeling of very slight pressure in my head.....there is no pain or even discomfort. I just can't see while it happens.

So off to the eye Doctor I'll go.

I felt good enough yesterday to make it to my sons football game last night. It was cold as hell but so much fun to watch. They won 24 to 6! :)

While waking up this morning is pretty ruff, I'm hoping that the day gets a little better.

Have a wonderful Tuesday everyone!

Day 250

Well it seems like my Peg. shot went eany, meany, miney, moe....and I landed on miney.

Saturday was a not so bad day. At least I could get around a bit. By afternoon "moe" was kicking in a bit, but that's was ok because I got the morning to feel half assed alright.

I actually got up yesterday morning and made it to the grocery store. That to me is a hell of an accomplishment! To Jimmy....I'm just stubborn, he wanted me to make a list for him and he'd go. He's such a sweetheart, but I never know what I really want until I get there....

And besides, I made it to the grocery store the morning after a Peg. Shot! Woohoo!

Of course by late afternoon I was on the couch....but hey, I had a good morning!

Athena came over with the baby. He's turning 1 year old this week! He's almost ready to let go and start walking.


Jimmy and I got him a truck with lego blocks and I sat playing with him until his eye's started giving way to nap time. He cuddled up with me on the couch and fell to sleep in my arms while his Mom cleaned.


O.M.G. he's such a beautiful baby!


All in all, Yesterday was good for a weekend day.


This morning isn't too terrible either. Hopefully it stays this way.

You just really never know....



While the drugs fight the virus....Ducky is fighting the sides!

Day 247

Yesterday morning was such a good morning that I woke up and started watching a recording of the debate between Obama and McCain. Before I knew it it was time to go to work! I didn't get to post...

Yesterday at work the day flew as I was trying to re-do formulas in a major spread sheet that I created 8 years ago. It was like looking at something in a different language. Even though I wrote all of those formulas, I haven't had to touch them for 8 years. Thank God my brain was pretty clear.

It's going to take me a few days to get all of the formulas rewritten. I'll just have to work at it on days that my mind isn't bogged down with brain fog. I have until November 1st to get it completed. Hopefully I have enough clear minded days between now and then. If not I'll just have to manually run some figures until the spread sheet is up and running right again.

All and all yesterday I felt very good. I was even able to stay up until 9pm last night before crashing.

It was a very nice break.

Today's Friday and I can tell because I have that achey old lady feeling that I get the next morning after the Nuepogen shot. Monday I go to Hershey and hopefully my counts are high enough that they'll let me cut the Nuepogen back to one shot a week....or none at all would be nice. They've been watching my white blood cell count for weeks now hoping the white cells could hold their own.

I'm afraid that I'm stuck with the Procrit though. My Red cells just don't really want to move. But that's ok, Procrit doesn't seem to give me any side effects outside of the injection it's self.

Friday also means Peg night tonight. Boy I hope it's nice to me this week! I know it'll make me feel like crap....I just hope it doesn't totally couch me. It's a flip of a coin lately.

There are those weekends where I feel like crap but still I can function slowly. Then there are the weekends like last weekend that has me on the couch and not able to do anything.

There's no rhyme or reason to it. It's just eany, meany, miney, moe! One weekend is not too terrible and then bam here comes a couch weekend!

I guess I have no other choice but to roll the dice, take the shot and just find out.....

Have a Ducky Day everyone!

Day 245

It's Wednesday and finally I'm waking up without that hangover feeling. For the first time since last week, my mind feels clear. Brain fog has been terrible. It drags me down and makes the other side effects harder to deal with.

But today I finally feel decent waking up.

90 days to go. Still the concept of a finish line seems so far away.

What a twisted treatment this is. You know you're doing what you have to in order to kill a virus that's trying to kill you....but after such a long period of time you start to forget why you're doing it and the only thing that you know is how you feel today. Each injection starts getting harder to do and it takes everything within you not to throw the hand full of pills right out the window.

In my mind, these are what make me sick. I can see them and what the sides do to my body. The Hep C is nothing more than a number on a sheet paper now. I can not see the Hep C.

It's harder and harder to stay focused on why I'm doing all of this.....

My mind tries not to think about it. I pretend to be normal and still I paste a stupid smile on.

There are 90 days to go and I know that when this is all done and the drugs are all finished I'll be able to see, once again, why I've gone through all of this.

I guess at this point it all comes down to faith.

So for the next 51 injections and 360 pills....faith will have to carry me.

I have a Dragon to slay.

Day 243

Well the weekend was kind of ruff, but I made it to the other side.

The nice part was that all three kids where here yesterday and I got to enjoy hanging out with them for a while.

I guess I better stop calling them kids soon. My oldest is 23, my daughter is 18 and the youngest son is 15. Some how I think that in my mind they'll be "kids" even when they're in their 50's.

It's monday morning and waking has been slow going so far. Not even coffee is helping yet.

I'll grab a shower and go to work.

One good thing about work is that it does the day pass by even on days like this.

Have a great day everyone!

Day 241

I feel like yuk.

It's a normal Saturday. Everything about me is uncomfortable.

They say this feels like having a 48 week flu.....well it does, sort of. Although at full strength Peg. it felt more like the plague.

Now at half dosage I agree....this is the flu and a pretty good case of it too.

Saturdays are the worst. Sundays are somewhat better and Mondays usually suck because I'm still trying to shake it while at work. By Tuesday things seem to get better.

I'll spend today just like any other tx Saturday...searching for some kind of relief or comfort.

Still I have to look back and remember when I used to pray for 2 good days in a row. Now at least I get 4 half ass ed decent days......they may not be without sides, but at least I can deal with them.

94 days to go....sounds like a song doesn't it?

94 days of drugs on the wall, 94 days of drugs. Take one down.......

Have a nice Saturday everyone.

Day 240

Well I made the call yesterday.

At first the receptionist said no, you'll have to see the Doctor for a refill.

So I told her I'm not going to argue....I just don't have it in me. I'll keep the Dec. 8th appointment and I'll do without. One more symptom on top of the side effects that I already have won't kill me.

But then someone in the back ground said something and she says to me "we don't want you to have to do that". I said I have no choice and she said if they make a sooner appointment for after 5:30 could I do that? I said sure! That's all I was asking for.

Finally she comes up with Nov. 17th at 5:30 and tells me she'll call a months worth of script in for me.

Now why couldn't she have done that yesterday?!

So that's it. Wednesday she was being a bitch and Thursday the Doctor was in so she was being all nicey nicey!

Whatever.

Now I seem to be on some kind of emotional roller coaster. Even having to take the Nuepogen shot brought tears to me last night.

Hopefully the weekend will help me pull out of it.

I'm thinking about cutting all my hair off again. My scalp is so dry that not only does it flake all over the place but it's starting to crack too. Along with that my hair seems to continue it's departure.

I've used everything. Nothing seems to help. I stopped by the drug store for my patch script last night and bought this stuff called T/Gel. It smells like Tar. It's supposed to help extreme dandruff and stuff and it's suppose to work right away.

I came home and jumped in the shower even before supper. So far other than having stinky hair, I don't think it did much of anything.

It's coming down to deciding if I want hair or do I want relief from a painful and itchy scalp.

95 days to go.....slaying this dragon is a really tuff little war.

Peg. shot tonight....at least the weekend is on the other side of that.

Have a good day everyone..

Day 239

Am I having Riba-Rage or am I just really sick of all of it?

A few years ago they gave me a hysterectomy and about a year ago I wound up in menopause when my only remaining ovary decided to fail. They put me on a hormone patch to control the hot flashes that I was having every hour or two. Felt like someone would turn the heat up to 100 even when I was sleeping. Drove me nuts.

So any way, through everything that's been going on I ran my script out for the patches and didn't realize it. So yesterday I called the Gyno. and asked to have it refilled. They said what I knew they would say....you need to set up an appointment. I explained to the nurse what was going on and she said she could set up an appointment for me on Dec. 8th at 5:30 and she'd call the pharmacy with a script to cover me until the appointment. Great! I wouldn't miss work and if I had to be in Hershey that day I would be back in time to go! Not to mention that right now I am truly not wanting or in the mind frame to sit in their office (per usual) for 3 hours waiting to be called.

So it was perfect!

About a half an hour later the receptionist (who when I first met her wanted me to explain that I had Hep.C to her in front of a reception room full of people and got aggravated when I told her I'll explain my problems in private only....she's a bitch) called me and told me that she wouldn't call my script in until I saw the Doctor and that she'll make my appointment for 10:30 am on Wednesday!

I began explaining that Dec. 8th would be better or even a date and time after 5:30, but being the bitch that she is she wouldn't let up.

She even said at one point "well, you evidently need the patch or you wouldn't be calling so you'll have to come in on Wednesday!"

Yes.....I blew up!

After arguing back and forth with her, she said she'd talk to the doctor tomorrow and that I should call back.

The stupid bitch put me in tears and today when I call back, if she's got the same story, I'll tell her that one more symptom on top of the side effects that I already go through is not going to kill me. I'll tell her to forget about calling a script in for me I'll keep the Dec. 8th appt. and I'll do without until then. It's not like I could have cervical cancer or anything like that since I don't even own those things anymore! My only problem (outside of tx) is a whole lot of hot flashes!

Really! Cut Me A Break!

Anyway, yes yesterday was ruff. I felt like crap as the day went on, work was busy and the phone call just made the day worst. It all wore me out. By the time I got home I just needed my bed.

I slept 12 hours and this morning is somewhat better.

Today I will not let tx or the day get to me.

Today will be better!

I hope.

Day 238

Yesterday was tuff....I felt like I had a hangover, only I didn't have any of the fun getting it.

It started letting up toward the end of the day and by the time I got home I wanted my bed.

Today is starting out better, at least the hangover feeling is gone. I guess 11 hours of sleep is the magic bullet when I start feeling like shit.

The leaves are finally changing outside and the weather is getting colder. For the first time in my life I'm actually excited that winter is just around the corner. It means that the end of tx is getting closer.

Have a great day everyone.

Day 237

98 days to go.....

Well I kind of had hopes that with the reduced dosage my hair would stop falling out, but no it's still falling out. I wonder how long it'll take to grow back....

The worst part is that nothing seems to help my poor dry scalp. I'll try this weekend to sit with moisturizer on my head to see if maybe it'll help some.

The good news is that the fatigue is still going easier on me. I still can't do much of anything physical, but at least walking from room to room doesn't floor me.

This morning is kind of ruff. I hope the day gets better.....I'm sure it will.

Happy Tuesday everyone.

Day 236

CONGRATULATIONS TERRY AND MAGDA!!

Day 235

100 more days to count......

Friday's shot made this Saturday a little ruff as compared to last Saturday. But one thing I know, it could be a lot worst.

I think that I may have worn myself down oo much during the week and it all caught up on Saturday.

This morning is better. I'm going to get dressed and make it to the store early. It seems like if I am to have any energy during the day, it's usually in the morning. By mid afternoon the fatigue kicks in harder.

I won't mind grocery shopping this early. I won't have to deal with long check out lines where standing too long causes me to look for a place to sit down or ignorant people cause the riba-rage to roll around in my head.

Have a wonderful Sunday Everyone.

Day 233

Wow what a week....and it's wearing me down.

Yesterday fatigue was more pronounced and this morning waking up was tuff.

Although it's Friday and it's another Peg. night, I think I need the weekend to recouperate.

Hopefully today won't be so busy at work because I just don't have the energy to deal with it.

Have a great day everyone.

Day 231

Welcome to October!

Another Month is done. Boy is this slow going.....but we're getting there.

Yesterday was very busy at work but all in all it wasn't a bad day.

The itching is still driving me nuts! The worst part is the inside of my ears. I can't exactly scratch the inside of my ears. It's the one place that I've never had chapped and pealing skin before....what a treat! I also can't exactly use Gold Bond there, so the only thing that I can find to do it to use Olive oil on a Q-tip. It helps a little.

Wednesday night.....Procrit night. At least this injection is the easiest out of the four. It tends to sting a bit going in but doesn't seem to have any side effects that I can tell.

I'm going to call Hershey sometime today in hopes that I can drop tomorrow nights Nuepogen shot. We we're hoping that I would have had a call from my study nurse saying to drop one....but I didn't hear anything from her yet. I guess it's time for me to call to find out.

The good news is that I'm still feeling pretty Ducky!

Have a Ducky Day Everyone!