Yesterday was ruff all day until Last night when I climbed into the hot tub and then into bed.
You just never know when this stuff is going to floor you.
This morning I'm waking up slowly and the little drummer boy is playing havoc on my neck.
It amazes me that a body can endure these drugs day in and day out for 48 weeks without having some type of life long repercussions. How is it that you can beat yourself up for almost a year and walk away from it un scared?
I miss my old life. I miss spending time with friends and I miss having a glass of wine after work.
Every year I get involved cooking food for hundreds of people in 2 different benefits. The Soldiers Angels riding club to benefit our soldiers coming home and the E.C.U.S.'s Helping Hands benefit to help local families with disabilities. The E.C.U.S. Club has gone to catering because I guess I'm sick and they don't want to ask and the Soldiers Angels Club is up in the air until they decide what they're doing.
Part of me wonders how much is because I'm on tx and how much is because of Hep C paranoia.
9 Years I was involved in the E.C.U.S.'s benefit....I only missed 1 year due to my divorce and my ex being very involved in the club. Even that year I wound up helping the people who did the food because they where under staffed.
I'm pretty much sure that I did the food for Soldiers Angels every year, but I'm not sure, there may have been a year I didn't.
Regardless, This year it looks like I might be out of both and it kind of breaks my heart to become an outsider after all of this time.
I know there's next year and I can jump back in.....but being on the outside? It's just hard.
Yep! I think I'm getting myself depressed again.
I'm just getting so damned sick of doing this!
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Life and times of Dealing with a Dragon named Hep C
I found that Hep C has a nick name.
The Sleeping Dragon.
It's fitting.... Strange thing is that I've always loved Dragons.
I guess I never could have imagined that I'd have one of my own.
About Me
- Laurie
- I'm a 42 year old Mother of 5. 3 of my own and 2 of my Husbands. My 3 are 13, 17 and 21. His are 22 and 26. We have 3 boys and 2 girls. In my life I've had 17 surgeries, a tatoo and a blood transfussion. So your guess is as good as mine as to where I contracted Hep C. I do not believe it was from the tat. The gentleman that did the art was very careful with sterile tools. But who knows. I was diagnosed with Hep C on March 22, 2007. Geno type 1b with a viral load of almost 5 million. And now I turn the corner and yet a new path lay ahead of me...... A new Journey begins
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4 comments:
Hey Laurie, I have to say I am with you and so bad want my life back. I have been going through some depression but it is more other people around me, my daughter and my husband who are acting so stressed out that they are sucking the life right out of me, what life I had in the first place. I am trying so hard to just rise above it but I am on the verge of just going off on both of them and I just wonder if maybe it is me and the rage thing is coming through because of al the drugs. At work a lot of people still ask what's wrong with you are you ok you look sick. I had finally decided to just tell the truth but when I mentioned it to the girl I work directly with she said please don't do that people will just start talking. Come to find out she never even mentioned any of this to her husband either. she doesn't want him to know she is working with a Hep C person I guess. So no matter how hard we can try there is still a stigma about the whole thing. I haven't felt really bad latley as far as the fatigue although I do move slow but the nausea and lack of sleep from everyone stress is taking a toll on my brain. I sure hope this is all worth it in the end. I hope we can both have a decent day today. Friday I go back ti have my eyes checked again, after whatever they found on the last test, so hopefully it will be ok. Rosie
Your job this year is concentrating on yourself and getting well. Next year you'll go back to helping others. Go easy on yourself! Your true friends will be there for you when this is over.
Hey Rosie,
I'm glad that you're feeling somewhat better.
Ribavirin is famous for causing depression and anxiety. To put it short, it stresses you out!
Terry had a bad time of it. There where a few times there that I think he thought he was loosing his mind. But he has such a wonderful girlfriend that she was able to keep bringing him back again.
My problem is that I keep falling into some type of funk and then I loose my patience. I keep trying to remind myself that none of it is real....it's me and the drugs, sometimes that works. Just not at the spur of the moment when I feel like ripping some sorry bastards head off.
I go from wanting to cry sometimes, to aggravated to being just fine.
I tried A.D.'s but I couldn't stand more side effects.
Now that the trial drug is gone I might try them again if it gets too bad.
I just wanted to let you know that everyone that I know who has been on this stuff has had some type of mental trouble from it to one degree or another.
Hang in there!
Goog Luck with your eye exam! My fingers are crossed that they don't find anything!
((Hugs))
Laurie
Oh Iris I know...It's just hard to be so involved for so many years and then completely drop off of the map!
Getting better is my number one priority.
I'll jump back in next year.
Thank you!
((Hugs))
Love
Laurie
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