I slept in until 9am this morning! It was soooo nice! lol I just didn't want to get out of bed and face that Saturday morning "I've been drugged" feeling.
But low and behold, I did finally get up and now it's Tylenol with Coffee and trying to figure out what I'm going to eat that's fatty for breakfast so that I can take my Ribavirin.
Food....yep! that's what I really want to do on mornings like these.......not!
It's like it's own little torture. You wake up feeling like shit, grab coffee and tylenol because you know those will help get you out of the funk and aches....but they turn your stomach just enough that you really don't want to eat.
Soon it's time to take more drugs and you know you have to give those drugs something fatty or you'll wind up tossing your cookies.
So now what?
Your mind sorts through the options that you know are in the fridge....9 times out of 10 times nothing at all sounds good.
Takes an hour for me just to figure out that I'll make a bacon sandwich....even that makes my stomach queasy but I make it and half way through I swallow the pills that I know make me feel like shit.
I know this tx is killing the virus. I know that next year at this time I'll be celebrating my clearing it....I know I'm doing this for a reason and later it will be worth it.....but I also understand how some people can not stand completing tx.
It's simply torture. Physical and mental torture.
Give me a second while I whine for a minute....
tx means having my skin itch as though I'm wearing a wool sweater all summer long.
It means that there are sores in my mouth that makes eating feel like I'm running sand paper over my tongue and then eating spicy food when all I'm really eating is ice cream.
It means having an evil drummer boy on my back 70% of the day playing grunge music on my neck and shoulder muscles.
It means feeling like I have a hangover when I can't even have the fun it usually takes to get one.
It means getting depressed or angry and wanting very badly to get one of those old fashioned hangovers by downing a nice bottle of Merlot....but I can't and I don't.
It's means my stomach looks like one of those Twister mats only all the dots are red instead of multi colors.
It means having to stick a needle in my stomach 4 times a week even though I know what I'm putting in there will make me feel all of the above.
It means taking pills that require eating fatty foods when I really don't feel like eating....and getting rewarded for taking those pills by having my mind go a little nuts with depression, anxiety and what seems like Alzheimer's and brain fog.
It means wearing a stupid smile when I want to sit down on the floor like a little child and say I don't want to do this anymore.
But finally, it means that when this war is all over, hopefully it means that my little dragon will be dead and I'll have a healthier and happier long life with my beautiful Husband and children.....
So thank you for letting me whine for second.
Maybe I should try Zoloft again.....lol
I guess I better go make my bacon sandwich.....
My baby Hitch.
He was a gift from Jimmy on our 1st anniversary of dating.
We named him after the movie that we went to go see on our first date.
I always wanted a grey long haired cat and when Jimmy went to the humane society, there he was!
6 comments:
A Bacon sandwich sounds really good
Hi, I just posted the lotions and ointments that REALLY worked for me on Terry Lee's latest opinions. It is such a long name I don't have time to write it again. Just go over to the comments on his last blog. I used it post tx so I guess your Dr. would have to tell you if it was ok during tx.
I have just dropped by the blogs to see how everyone is doing. I don't bother to use my name because I have to come up with my password and all.
I finished tx 7 weeks ago. Every day is better than the day before. I had everything you did except 2 things: I didn't work (don't see how you are able?) and I only had one shot a week (that was enough). It feels so good to be done and I feel grateful that my life expectancy has been extended. Just hang in there and don't expect too much from yourself. When you finish your energy and motivation and the rest of yourself will come back. I am so happy now...it was worth it. I brought my doctor a cake and his assistants a box of cookies on my last appt. It was definitely a celebration!
That's a bacon and avocado sandwich for me! Good luck!
SaraJonesNot
Good Mornigng Laurie,
I hope your feeling ok today. This mind thing is real starting to get to me and I have to keep telling myself to "Let it go". I get so upset when people say stupid things that I most likely would have just blown off in the past. I need to go on Terry's blog and read about how bad the mind thing can get and prepare myself the best I can.
I go back to the docs Weds and so far since my last visit I have increased headaches and nausea, today I have sores in my mouth and am just walking with my brain in a fog. Maybe I will just sleep all day. I need to be motavated foor work this week.
I am so impressed with the people who made it all the way through this. They must have had some amazing support systems.
Take Care Laurie
Do you have any butter in the fridge? If so, toast with butter - and be generous with the butter - is a great fatty mean (I ate that 95% of the time I was on tx) and a lot easier to cook in the morning than real bacon (I can't stand the microwave bacon).
Maybe you should think about anti-d's again.
Hi Laurie, I agree with everything you said and you are not whining, I call it venting and everyone needs to get it out. All the people who post on here help me. I think if I did not have to work full time I could managee this treatment, I am going to have to figure out a way to get through the next 6 months. I am close to the 24 week then will find out what I was on. Thank you so much for posting your beautiful cat. What a beauty! My cat was very similar only colored like a racoon, I miss him and his brother so very much, lost him right after diagnosis with Hep C, his brother the year before. I want another pet but everyone keeps telling me towait but I think it would help me to have a fur baby to cuddle with when I feel so down I don't think I can stand another pill or shot. I really admire you so very much for all that you are able to do, my house is a wreck, I have not cleaned in 5 months and while my husband tried he thinks I am more important. He is always trying to get me to eat, he is great the house is just a mess
Well I think I am whining now, thanks to everyone who writes in, thank you for letting me write in
Love
Dorene
Hi Laurie !
I am going to say it was good to hear your wining is nice. Not that this is easy going through this I am actually on week#17..This is probably the worst thing I am going through. check out my page
www,copingwithhivhepc.blogspot.com I wish you well ! Blessed be! Sean
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