Well at least this morning my cursor will allow me to make paragraphs! lol
I'm starting to come out of the dark again....I think.
In this tx it seems like every once and a while I hit a brick wall. My brain starts saying "look at yourself....really look at yourself....you look like hell and these drugs are doing it to you."
It brings me down because I know my brain is right. I do look like hell. Even my face has changed from the weight I've lost.
There are mornings that it's hard to see that in the mirror.
Sure most mornings I just ignore it and concentrate on getting ready for the day. But there are times when this life of mine grows dark, all I can see in the mirror is the change.
I start wondering, will I come back after this is all over? Will I look the same as I did before this all started? How will these drugs have changed me. Is it possible to put such a beating on a body and then have it bounce back without it leaving the scares of 48 weeks?
When I'm in the darkest part of my mind all I hear is "No.....it's not possible...how can you make it back from all of this".
But then some of the darkness starts to lift and I can remember Teah, Terry and Iris. All 3 look great. Teah with her 72 weeks of these drugs, Terry with his 48 weeks and Iris with her 24....they all look great! So why won't I?
Less than 23 more weeks to go....Ask 2 days ago could I make it? I would have said "O.M.G. I don't know".
Ask me yesterday I would have said "I think maybe".
Ask me today I'll tell you "I'm not giving in".
Will tomorrow be better? Boy I hope so.
The mental stress of all these drugs, the side effects and the taking of them sometimes becomes unbearable.
The war is not just in the body, it's in the mind too.
They say what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Whoever first said that had to be on tx!
Through all of the trials my life has put me through....this is the hardest of all.
I'm looking for Ducky.....I know he's getting closer....
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Life and times of Dealing with a Dragon named Hep C
I found that Hep C has a nick name.
The Sleeping Dragon.
It's fitting.... Strange thing is that I've always loved Dragons.
I guess I never could have imagined that I'd have one of my own.
About Me
- Laurie
- I'm a 42 year old Mother of 5. 3 of my own and 2 of my Husbands. My 3 are 13, 17 and 21. His are 22 and 26. We have 3 boys and 2 girls. In my life I've had 17 surgeries, a tatoo and a blood transfussion. So your guess is as good as mine as to where I contracted Hep C. I do not believe it was from the tat. The gentleman that did the art was very careful with sterile tools. But who knows. I was diagnosed with Hep C on March 22, 2007. Geno type 1b with a viral load of almost 5 million. And now I turn the corner and yet a new path lay ahead of me...... A new Journey begins
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6 comments:
I am not quite sure what the Tx is doing to your eyes and mind when you look in the mirror, but trust me on this.....you are the most beautiful person in the world to me
Tea looks better than all of us put together - so that must be the secret of looking good - doing 72 weeks of treatment! (OK, that was a joke!) Everyone feels like you do and everyone comes out of it when they finish and give their body a few weeks to bounce back. You have youth on your side, you'll bounce back quicker than I did. I know it's hard to believe when you're in the middle of this, but life goes back to normal when it's over.
Dear Laurie, I am glad you are feeling a little beter, I go through the same feelings almost every week. After the shot Friday night, I can't seem to shake the bad feelings till Wednesday. Problem is that when I am in the middle of it, it feels as if I will always feel that way. TX is horrible luckily you have a lot of supportive people who understand and a wonerful husband who loves you very much.
You will get through this.
I am thinking of you
Love
Dorene
Hey You,
I thank God everyday having you in my life.
I love you too.
Iris,
I'll try to hold on to that thought.
It's just a roller coaster right now and it's easy to loose sight.
Thank you.
((Hugs))
Love
Laurie
Dorene,
Yes! Thank God for my wonderful Husband and beautiful friends.
Wednesday is also just about the day that I start to pull out of it during the bad weeks. That makes Monday and Tuesday the longest days ever!
I'm glad that your starting to feel better. :)
Enjoy the good days when when you get them.
((Hugs))
Love
Laurie
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