Drugs Drugs Drugs Drugs Drugs! I swear their killing me!
I look like shit.....my hair looks like shit....I've lost so much weight that I feel like a twig....and I'm really getting sick of all of it!!!!
I'm even more sick of shoving those damned needles into my stomach 4 times a week! I mean really...what the hell.
Yes I'm ranting this morning!
23 more weeks of this to go? There will be nothing left of me by then. I'll be a skeleton with no freakin' hair! Won't that be beautiful.
Yes, this morning I want to sit down in the middle of the floor and cry.
But then everyone else feels like shit then. They don't know what to do with me or say to me.....I wouldn't know either.
So I paste that stupid smile on my face and I keep on moving forward.
It's almost mechanical now.
I try to stop my brain from thinking about it. I try to just look at today. But I pick up that needle or those pills and my brain jumps right to "23 more weeks to go".
Yes I know....I'll grow the hair back. Yes I know.....I'll gain the weight back., The itching all over will go away, My mouth will heal...the lumps will disappear....energy will return ....and Yes I know I've already made it past halfway.
The problem with all of that is that I'm watching and feeling "today". I can't see the "when this is all over" because that feels like a lifetime away.
I know I'm probably not making much sense. I guess this is just a bad morning and it will pass....
I'll slap that "Stupid Smile" on and go to work.
The day will get better........
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Life and times of Dealing with a Dragon named Hep C
I found that Hep C has a nick name.
The Sleeping Dragon.
It's fitting.... Strange thing is that I've always loved Dragons.
I guess I never could have imagined that I'd have one of my own.
About Me
- Laurie
- I'm a 42 year old Mother of 5. 3 of my own and 2 of my Husbands. My 3 are 13, 17 and 21. His are 22 and 26. We have 3 boys and 2 girls. In my life I've had 17 surgeries, a tatoo and a blood transfussion. So your guess is as good as mine as to where I contracted Hep C. I do not believe it was from the tat. The gentleman that did the art was very careful with sterile tools. But who knows. I was diagnosed with Hep C on March 22, 2007. Geno type 1b with a viral load of almost 5 million. And now I turn the corner and yet a new path lay ahead of me...... A new Journey begins
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9 comments:
I hope your day gets much better today......that sounds hard. I'll keep you on my mind and prayers today!
Lisa
Laurie,
Good morning. Sounds like this is a hard day today for you. Just don't even worry about it we are allowed to be bitchy, scared, pissed, or sad if we want to. This is really hard and I think only the people who have done it (and their spouse's) really understand that some day this is just how we feel. Have you got your results back from your 24 wk visit? Maybe your blood counts are low again. I go next friday for mine. Did you go back on the antidepressants? I know it is hard to dump more pills in you but if they help....I am taking the prozac still although I am just taking one instead of 2 on the days I work. Leaves me kinda dopey. Seems like we turn into a bit of a doctor prescribing our own doses. I don't know if that is good or not but it is what I am doing. Just 23 more weeks to go sure beats the hell out of where we started and you are still undetectable last I heard. Hang in there baby and cry, bitch, or scream and just let it be what it is. Remember YOU are winning this battle! Rosie
I hope Ducky got his lazy ass in gear and turned up to help you out.
I just wanted to point out - last week you mentioned putting your hair in a pony tail - so you haven't lost all that much of it, and weren't you the one who sent me the inspirational hair email? If not, I'll try to find it and send it to you!
Hi Laurie, I am right there with you, feeling the exact same way, so frustrated I feel like quitting but I know that isn't going to be a very good answer and I know all about pasting a smile on did it today, what choice do we have? Scream, vent, yell whatever works I am going to buy a punching bag so I can give my hubby a break, lol
I am thinking of you Rose, Lisa and any other trial buddies out there who feel frustrated, sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. We will make it through this and we will look back on this time and wonder at how strong we all were, the alternative is not a choice :)
Lots of love and hugs
Dorene
Hi I am sure this is "not allowed" but if I was told to go back up to 100 from the .75 I probably would not do it. I am on .75 right now can barely stand it and hope like you that they don't tell me to increase it, with my numbers falling I don't think they will. Thank God for small (very small) favors lol
Love
D
You didn't send it to me, I saw it somewhere else:
There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. 'Well,' she said, 'I think I'll braid my hair today.'
So she did and she had a wonderful day. The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.'H-M-M,' she said, 'I think I'll part my hair down the middle today.' So she did and she had a grand day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. 'Well,' she said, 'Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail.' So she did, and she had a fun, fun day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.
'YAY!' she exclaimed. 'I don't have to fix my hair today!'
Attitude is everything.
LOL Iris! Attitude is everthing!
Thank you!
Thanks for the support everyone.
I am trying.
It's always nice to know that your not alone...although I feel bad that this kind of misery is shared.
Take care my friends.
((Hugs))
Laurie
Dorene,
As much as I've thought about it, if they stick me up to 100 units instead of the 75units I'm on, I'll have to do the 100 units.
The one single fear that I have that is a greater fear than all of these side effects, is the fear of going through all of this and not clearing the virus.
I just can't do this over again. I won't do this over again. I'll have to take the 100 units if they tell me to.
But that idea will have to come to them on their own! I won't bring it up! I don't look forward to it at all!
Take care.
((Hugs))
Laurie
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