Day 36

9:50 pm
Finally home from Hershey 12 hours later and feeling better now than I have in better than 2 weeks.

I wound up with a 2 unit blood transfusion and hopefully after this, the nupregen and the procrit can keep my levels in check. They wanted me to restart the inerferon tonight but by the time I was done with the transfusion they couldn't get a new CBC done fast enough to get the answer to me tonight....so I'll probably start tomorrow night instead. Part of me is glad because I'd like to have a day to enjoy before jumping back into it. They need my platelets to go above 20 (they where at 16 before the transfusion) before I restart tx.

I've been through hell....I think I've seen the worst of it and now it's time to get started again....I know.

I am scared but I'm also more determined now to kill this little bastard! I will win....I know I will.

Bed time for Bonzo. I may not feel exactly Ducky But I almost do!

Good night all and God Bless.

Yesterday, midmorning, brought the drummer boy back. For some reason he decided to use my eye's and upper neck for stumming. It took most of the morning to get im under control....but once I did I felt so much better.

I look in the mirror and still I seem so pale white, but Jimmy keeps telling me that I have much more color than I did a couple of days ago. Maybe I just didn't look at myself much a couple of days ago. Those days have become a fog.

I go to Hershey today. I'll find out then if they can give me a transfusion to quicken my recovery so that I can get back to tx.

Seems like a double edge sword. I'm more affraid of tx than ever before. But still I know I must complete it or all this pain has been for nothing. I just pray that when I go back that the procrit and nupregen will hold my levels and I won't have to face that deep dark hole again.

I'm just so scared.

I was given Zoloft for a A.D. but I have yet to start it. I know that it will take time to build up in my system once I start it....but I've shoved soooo many drugs into myself over the past week that I'm just not ready to add more and to be honest I don't think that my stomach is ready either.

I'm loosing weight still. 123 pounds last Monday and I know I'll have even less this week as the vomiting took most of what I tried eat for too many days.

I'm a train wreck and I know it....I look like hell. But I'm fighting to make it back.

I haven't heard from Rose for a lot of days now......How are you Rose? I think about you so often. I hope you are well.

I'll post later once I'm back from Hershey.

Enjoy your day everyone.