30 days to go....

It's kind of strange the way this whole story plays out into a counting game. 30 days to go before the time clock runs out on my screened period. They have to have me started on treatment within the 35 day time period and there are 30 days left.

While I've been sitting here waiting for an agonizingly long time, I seemed to have lost the concept of 30 days.

Let's see....30 days...it's a month...4 weeks.

4 weeks!....lol...that feels better and scarier all at the same time! So we'll just stick with 30 days for now. :-)

While I had decided earlier on not to tell my Mother about this little dragon, my dear sweet husband found a way around my wishes and did what he felt was right....he included my Mother in on a Christmas News Letter that he writes every year for family near and far. In the news letter he wrote about this little journey we're on. I have to admit that I knew he put it in the Christmas card, I guess I wanted her to know....I just couldn't stand the thought of the same thing happening with her that happened with Debbie. I have nothing more left, mentally, to afford loosing.

After an angry letter from her, due to the way she found out, I emailed her my honest explanation and my love. Yesterday we spoke on the phone for a very long time and I found my Mom again.

No matter how old we get....no matter what happens in our lives or how far apart we get, the love that I have for my Mom is always un-dieing.

Jimmy did the right thing....I need my Mother and all of her support. The little girl in me would not be able to make it through all of this without her. The woman would always survive ....but in doing so I would have forever made myself an orphan.

I do have one lesson in all of this to learn, I have to learn how to be Daughter.

That must sound strange but for more than two-thirds of my life I have not had the privilege of being a daughter. So many people take that for granted. Bad day at work "I'm going to call my Mom".....Daughter turns 18 or is graduating "I gotta call Mom"....Problems at home or with kids "I'm going to call Mom".

Or how about you just simply need to hear that voice....her voice....and she needs to hear yours.

Way back in the back of my mind, through all of cob webs....hiding in the shadows is the little girl that I once was.

When I hear my Mom's voice...that little girl is not alone anymore.

I don't know....maybe it's hard to understand....

The weekend has been nice. Yesterday went back and forth with being tired but not fatigued. I'm working on putting back some of the 9 pounds that I lost by eating whatever I can stick in mouth that won't make me nauseous or more tired.

Lately I found Oreo cookies....lol. Hey if they don't make me sick right now I'll eat them by the hand fulls!

Jimmy and I got the Christmas tree and decorations put away. And my plotter is set back up but not reinstalled yet. (one thing at a time)

The house is a mess....but hey it'll survive. Between the both of us, we'll do a little here and there as we go. It always works out in the end.

Back to waiting for Hershey's call.

Enjoy the day!