Just another rocky path

It seems that it always takes me a few days to process the idea of having to wait for treatment. Cut's like a knife....but sooner or later I come to terms with it.

I think that talking to people through the Blogs and now the message boards helps in a lot of ways. And while I learn so much from all of this, the greatest lesson that I've learned is that the waiting is not only for a good reason but for my own good.

One more thing....pretty much everybody has had to wait for some extent of time. Some not so long....some long like me.

but still that knowledge doesn't seem to make it totally ok in my head. It just gives me another way to deal with it.

The waiting is hard....but I need to get back to enjoying the Summer while I can...I need to get back to my life and not mope over what I can not change and should not change.

This has been hard on Jimmy for the last couple of days. Jimmy was with me at my G.I. appt. and he had been the one that brought up the question of my being treated by a Doctor who is more specialized in Hep C ....my doctor had jumped at the suggestion without so much as a flinch saying that it would be so much better to go to Hershey. So much better to see Dr. Rilley.

But because my changing Doctors to Hershey upset me because of the wait, Jimmy began to worry that he hurt me.

The initial hit of the waiting hit me hard....but I know it is the right thing to do. I just could not find a way to pull out of the spiral that it sent me into for a couple of days and my tears fell on Jimmy's shoulders and he began questioning his bringing it up to my Doctor.

Jimmy did what had to be done....it's why he's at and will be at everyone of my appt.s.

We have a lot of questions, symptoms and tuff decisions to make down the road, some of which I can't even see from where I sit or I forget to bring up. Jimmy is able to sit beside me and see through the fog of all of this. He is there for me. And I am ok because of him.

And so My Darling...My Love,

While my tears sometimes fall, they may fall on you... but they are not because of you. You are my best friend. In you I have found the only person in the world that I ever have been able to trust. You did, are doing and will always do what you know is best for me, and I know it.

I am sorry that this is hard on you too. I wish I could change that....but I can't.

I can only say that I am truly sorry that this path is going to be hard to go down.

Around the corner, sooner or later, there will be a path less rocky and less hard to travel......

My hand will be in yours.

I love you Jimmy and we will be alright.