This is all a dream......it has to be

Wow....where do I start.
Life is going so fast that I'd really like to find the breaks for a little while.

This June will be our first Wedding Anniversary. Jimmy and I have been together for a little over 2 years. He is my rock and I love him so dearly.

I hate that he has to be faced with all of this. I know that he'd have it no other way....but still.....my heart aches for him.

I've had Fiber-Cystic decease pretty much all of my life. Surgery after surgery, it kept creeping up. So about 3 years ago they decided to give me a Hysterectomy. Doc. told me he left an ovary so I'd be fine. Cured...lol.

This last winter that ovary failed. No big deal, but I'm only 41 and everyone thought it best to put me on hormones for various reasons.

In doing so they sent me for blood work which included checking my liver enzymes which came back very high. It didn't bother me because I knew mine ran kinda high anyway. These however where way out there. So I was sent for Hep testing. Came back Hep C.

Hepatitis C. What the hell is that? Where did it come from?

A couple of weeks later more test results came back. 2 weeks just seem like such a long time to wait.

We hoped for the best.....but the tests came back with Geno Type 1b and a viral load of almost 5 million.

My world just crashed.

For the past almost 2 months now every emotion in the world has passed through me and while I'm learning to cope with it....it churns constantly through my brain. And hardest part is being told that I have only a 30% chance of beating this thing.

I'm going through the Hep A and B vaccines right now. I'm also trying to get my menopause under control. They say that I have to do these things in order to prepair for Chemo.

"Am I really talking about myself....I can't believe all of this"

Part of my preparation seems to be my need to run ahead of the clock. Trying to fill the summer with as much enjoyment and family as possible.

The big statement these days is "let's do it before I get sick".

"Maybe I won't get sick....maybe I can breeze through this...

......I'm scared"

So last weekend Jimmy and I traveled to Boston for his brothers' wedding. This Saturday we fly to Las Vegas. Next Month I'll take the kids to the Jersey Shore. In September we we'll all climb into a raft and go white water rafting in upper N.Y.

That along with the the odds and ends of the regular Summer events should keep my mind busy while I wait this incredibly long wait for treatment to begin. I'll be done with the Hep A and B vaccines by the end of September. Then it's a liver biopsy and Chemo after that.

But for now... I keep telling myself "You Are Strong, you can do this. You will do this and you will not give in to any of it".

Do you know what?

I am strong.

I will beat this.

.......and so the Summer begins.