The weekend was nice. Great Weather and I worked in the garden most of the time. Putted around the house a bit. My energy level was pretty good until Sunday night. By 7 I was ready for bed.
So why do I feel so down today? Why is it that this whole thing is bothering me so much today?
Yesterday Jimmy and I sat and watched a dvd that a Hep C support group sent to us. It was all positive .....but somehow it really bothered me.
When the dvd was over Jimmy asked me if I get angry because I have Hep C. I told him that I did, but now looking at it I don't know if it is anger. I had thought that I was doing pretty good dealing with this thing. I've been trying not to think about it. I work through the different problems that come up....the ones I now know are part of my little dragon. I try to keep them to myself so that I'm not some kind of whinny pain in the ass.
I was doing good, I think, until today. Or maybe it started last night.
There's this feeling that starts in the pit of my stomach and it grows upward past my throat, past my eye's that well up from it, it fills my mind with confusion and a feeling of being all alone (even though I know I'm not) . Those thoughts and feelings become intertwined with frustration and an overwhelming want to be normal and away from this thing that's inside of me.
Then fear creeps in and the Calendar changes to another month.....
I know I'm closer
...... but I'm afraid of the battle.
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Life and times of Dealing with a Dragon named Hep C
I found that Hep C has a nick name.
The Sleeping Dragon.
It's fitting.... Strange thing is that I've always loved Dragons.
I guess I never could have imagined that I'd have one of my own.
About Me
- Laurie
- I'm a 42 year old Mother of 5. 3 of my own and 2 of my Husbands. My 3 are 13, 17 and 21. His are 22 and 26. We have 3 boys and 2 girls. In my life I've had 17 surgeries, a tatoo and a blood transfussion. So your guess is as good as mine as to where I contracted Hep C. I do not believe it was from the tat. The gentleman that did the art was very careful with sterile tools. But who knows. I was diagnosed with Hep C on March 22, 2007. Geno type 1b with a viral load of almost 5 million. And now I turn the corner and yet a new path lay ahead of me...... A new Journey begins
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Hero's
7 comments:
The waiting to start is worse than the battle. When there is a threat, the body's natural impulse is 'fight or flight,' you can't do either right now, this leads to stress. I know it well, I was in your place last summer. Things will get better.
I know you're right. I know it will get better. It's just hard right now.
Your words mean the world to me and I find myself hanging onto the strength that you show in your blog.
You lift me up by showing me the way.
I am grateful.
Thank you.....I will find a way to stand and wait....this moment will pass.
I am better today than yesterday and tomorrow I will be even better.
:-)
Mom, you know I'm here for you. You were there for me through more things than I can imagine. I wish I could give you the same strength that you gave me so many years ago, but I know you don't need it. You have more strength than anyone I have ever met in my entire short 17 years of life, and I know you'll get through this with flying colors, so don't worry, and don't fear. We are all here, and we're not going anywhere. Don't feel bad if you have to lean on me. I can handle it. I know I'm still trying to fully understand and come to terms with what's happening, but when the time comes, I'll be ready. I promise. I love you, momma. <3333333
-Crystal.
P.s. My diary thing is http://www.xanga.com/xObedroomtalkOx
(It's the title of a song, so don't get freaked out. Lol.)
(the last part of my link got cut off cause this thing doesn't like me, apparently. My username is xObedroomtalkOx.)
Sweet Heart I am ok . I know that I have the most wonderful family in the world and you are the most incredible daughter that any Mother could ask for.
I love you Crystal....you are and always will be my Hero!
I so understand what you are feeling right now. I was very scared of doing treatment. But now, while doing it, it's not all that bad. It's hard, especially first part of it, but not undoable, very, very much doable.
And when you need a hand from a stranger, we are here for you. We know all the tricks how to make side effects easier.
Love
Teah
....and my family has grown.
Thank you Teah....you make me strong!
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