And then August was gone.

Weekend before last Jimmy and I along with the kids managed to cook 290 Hamburgers and 90 hotdogs for about 275 bikers riding in the Soldiers Angels Annual Poker run! And I must say - no one waited for food. We fed them all in one hour. lol
For anyone who doesn't know who the Soldiers Angels are, they're a support group for our Soldiers. They send supplies over sea's like shaving kits, snack foods, micowaves, coffee makers, etc. If a unit needs it and they find out....they get it and send it.

They send care packages to our injured.

They greet homecoming soldiers by escorting them home on their bikes making parades and throwing parties.They see soldiers off who are being deployed. And they look after our injured Soldiers when they come home.

They are an awesome group of people who work day night around the clock to fulfil their moto "May no Soldier go unloved"

The hold a poker run every year to raise the money to do all of that and more.

If you get a chance, check out their web-site:

PASARC.COM

They're a local RC here in Hazleton....and Jimmy and I are so increadibly proud of them!

Last weekend Jimmy and I went to Vermont to visit Jimmy's brother and sister-in-law.

What a beautiful state! We had a great time.




Not only did I want to see them and Vermont, but I also wanted some time to talk to my sister-in-law Gina.

Gina had Hep. B a few years ago and went through treatment, but at some point while getting rid of Hep. B she wound up with an auto immune desease that I can't pronounce. Her body stopped identifying good cells from her bad cells and starting attacking all of them. She came very close to death.

She looks great today. She'll be on meds for the rest of her life and she'll be disabled....but she deals with it and rolls with the punches that her meds. throw at her. What happened to her is very very rare....I gather from her that the treatment back then caused her auto immune desease. She assures me that the treatments today are totally different and don't cause the same problems as the old drugs.

I have to thank God for new technology.

I also now look at the path that I have to go down with a new view.....it seems much shorter now than it did before. A year maybe and I'll be done.

I look at Gina and I think I've found yet another Hero in the Hep. war. She's beautiful inside and out and her strength shines.

As for me, well I just can't stay away from catching colds from people. I feel like I've had Bronchitus for months. I went to the Doctor yesterday and he gave me a new script and last night was the first night in weeks that I've been able to sleep. This morning, even though I still have coughing, I feel like a million bucks! Sleep is what I need to get over this and once I am if I run into someone with a cold .....I'm RUNNING the other way!!!!

2 weeks to go and we'll be white water rafting in up-state NY. 4 weeks to go and I have my last Hep A and B vacine. 8 weeks to go and I'll be in Hershey.








and the Summer passes by.....

Hershey = November

I finally heard from Hershey Medical Center. They excepted me as a patient during last Friday's meeting and called today set up my first appointment.

At first the woman on the phone said January 31st.....I couldn't help it, I just started crying.

She said she'd put me on a waiting list if someone cancelled.....but by the time we hung up the phone she was able to squeeze me in for November 30th.

It's such a long wait....but better than the end of January.

I am not going to get depressed about it. I am fighting not to. I'm trying really hard.....

I'm just so tired ..........and I keep getting colds from people around me, making me even more tired. Why is it that I catch a cold everytime I even look in the direction of someone who has one?

For now I guess I'll just keep pushing forward.....keep waiting....keep fighting through being tired and I'll try harder to stay away from people with colds.

Just another rocky path

It seems that it always takes me a few days to process the idea of having to wait for treatment. Cut's like a knife....but sooner or later I come to terms with it.

I think that talking to people through the Blogs and now the message boards helps in a lot of ways. And while I learn so much from all of this, the greatest lesson that I've learned is that the waiting is not only for a good reason but for my own good.

One more thing....pretty much everybody has had to wait for some extent of time. Some not so long....some long like me.

but still that knowledge doesn't seem to make it totally ok in my head. It just gives me another way to deal with it.

The waiting is hard....but I need to get back to enjoying the Summer while I can...I need to get back to my life and not mope over what I can not change and should not change.

This has been hard on Jimmy for the last couple of days. Jimmy was with me at my G.I. appt. and he had been the one that brought up the question of my being treated by a Doctor who is more specialized in Hep C ....my doctor had jumped at the suggestion without so much as a flinch saying that it would be so much better to go to Hershey. So much better to see Dr. Rilley.

But because my changing Doctors to Hershey upset me because of the wait, Jimmy began to worry that he hurt me.

The initial hit of the waiting hit me hard....but I know it is the right thing to do. I just could not find a way to pull out of the spiral that it sent me into for a couple of days and my tears fell on Jimmy's shoulders and he began questioning his bringing it up to my Doctor.

Jimmy did what had to be done....it's why he's at and will be at everyone of my appt.s.

We have a lot of questions, symptoms and tuff decisions to make down the road, some of which I can't even see from where I sit or I forget to bring up. Jimmy is able to sit beside me and see through the fog of all of this. He is there for me. And I am ok because of him.

And so My Darling...My Love,

While my tears sometimes fall, they may fall on you... but they are not because of you. You are my best friend. In you I have found the only person in the world that I ever have been able to trust. You did, are doing and will always do what you know is best for me, and I know it.

I am sorry that this is hard on you too. I wish I could change that....but I can't.

I can only say that I am truly sorry that this path is going to be hard to go down.

Around the corner, sooner or later, there will be a path less rocky and less hard to travel......

My hand will be in yours.

I love you Jimmy and we will be alright.

So Hershey it is....

I went to the Doc. today. I've been waiting for 3 months to see him again. Waiting to get started...waiting to have the Liver Biopsy....just waiting.

Some good news, some "hard to get into my head" news and some bad...that I already kinda knew.

Good news....he doesn't think too much damage has been done to my liver as far as the blood work shows.

Bad news....my viral count is high. I kinda knew that

Bad News.....My Doctor here thinks I have less than a 50% chance at beating it. I knew that one too.

"Hard to get into my head" news....I'm going to Hershey.

It's hard news to me because this waiting game is so hard to deal with. I WANT THIS GONE or at least going!

I know that Hershey would be the best place to be treated, but everything about it just seems so far away. It's a couple hours of driving for each appt. and the wait to get a first appt will have me waiting longer than I am right now. My starting in October could now of have turned into December.

I know they are specialist at this.....I know the Doctor is one of best in his field....Experienced HCV staff .... Best care that I could probably get. Jimmy will hold my and drive me there when I'm not doing well.

But how do I get these things into my head and make my brain except it without the tears?

I can't even begin to explain the frustration of having this, knowing that it's alive inside of me, knowing that I have a small chance of fighting it....that that small chance will probably make me sick and the fight will be hard....gathering the strength and will to fight ....Being ready....

and then being told that I have to wait longer to begin the battle.

I just can't describe how I feel.

I think I'll take a Xanax now and get ready for a meeting in 10 minutes for another Charity Benefit.



God.....if you read this blog........I really need a break for a while........ok?....... Please?

A need for Education

My friend "Uncertain" went to the Dentist and he acted like an Ass towards with her HCV.

I find it amazing how people react to this virus. It almost feels like a double whammy.

I get the feeling that some people look at me as though I have a Horrible virus that is something that they may need to get tested for because they've known me for a while.....or they look at me differently because they saw a T.V. show like Heartland or E.R. . Someone on the show was a drug addict and had HCV. On one episode the Doctor even said "Oh that figures....HCV is a good sign of a drug addict".

I don't get that feeling from everyone.....but I do from some.

I know it's not just in my head.....I'm just waiting to see how people disappear from my life to avoid being around me. I wish there was a way to teach people about this virus....

HCV doesn't seem to be very popular in this area. Even my own Family Doctor, who has been a doctor here for decades, told me that he'll be following my treatment and learning as we go because he's never had a patient with HCV before. He treats me well.....he's come to my rescue many times over the past years. I wish I could just turn him into a specialist and have him treat me.

But like I said, there's no HCV education here. lol....just me.

I hate the feeling of trying to explain that I can't pass this little dragon on just by hangin' out with people. And I worry a lot about people who think that I may give it to them by Bar tending or working around the bar.

I also sooooo much hate the judgement that people may make towards the idea that many people have HCV through drug addiction. I guess I hate it more because most of the people who are around me know that my ex-husband was a major drug dealer in this area. He was probably dealing from the day that we met. Took me a while to find out and by then he had no intention on stopping. He was addicted to not only the drugs but to game of dealing. He's now waiting to be sentenced on Federal Charges handed down by a Grand Jury for his Dealing.

I on the other hand never was a drug addict. Never stuck a needle into my body. As far as I know.....neither did he. He snorted coke by the tons. Not to mention that I heard he tested negative.

My HCV either had to have come from one of my 17 surgeries or a blood transfusion after the birth of my son. But still.... I carry my ex's guilt.

What I find most ironic is that I am now faced with doing something that I never thought I'd have to do.....I now have to inject something into my body. I don't know how I'll be able to do that. I'm not squeamish....I just don't know if I can do it to myself.

Funny thing is, I have a diabetic cat that I have to inject insulin into twice a day. Once in the morning and once in the evening. (He got diabetes from being a stray and eating whatever he could where ever he could get it.)

He even reminds me when it's time by coming to me and gently pawing at my hair or face or just laying on me and starring. I grab the needle, the insulin and a treat and he comes running. Pull up the skin on his neck and he Lay's down for his shot. Never even a peep out of him. It's become routine for him.

His name is Jack and he's a brave little boy! He's also the most incredible animal I've ever known. So Smart, gentle and so loving!

I know that when it's time I'll have to deal with injecting myself.....right now until I'm faced with it....I just can't imagine. LOL....Jimmy said he'll do it for me if I can't!

I wonder if I can have a treat for getting injected....

July's Gone

Another page on the calendar turned. Another Summer mile stone passed.

Every Summer for years I've cooked food for a local charity call "Helping Hands". Since Jimmy and I have been together he's been recruited also.

Helping Hands is a group who help local children. They provide help for abused children.There work is incredible.

This past weekend was a Helping Hands weekend. Saturday Jimmy and I cooked for Poker Run. I have a friend who every year grabs me for the bike games and for the past 3 years we've won the weeny bite....lol! We won again again this year! I got a new leather purse and a gift certificate for a local restaurant. The weeny bite is a game where they dangle a hot dog loaded with mustard from a string and you ride the bike under it while someone on the back stands up on the bike and bites as much of the hot dog off as they can get! LOL. It's all fun.

On Sunday our Helping Hands weekend continued. We had a foursome in a benefit Golf Tournament. It was a very Hot Day until it rained! But it was fun. Only thing is, I hit a wall half way through the 18 holes and I ended up being the cart driver. I was so beat from all of the activity that I just sick from head to toe. I think our team came in last place! But it was for a great cause.

I know that I have to learn how to pace myself....but I can't right now. I know that next Summer will probably be lost and I want to have it all this year while I can. I wish I could bottle some of it to save and enjoy later.

This weekend we have nothing to do! Thank God.

8 more days and I go to the Doctor.....

And the Summer marches on......